To The Past

So I had quite a happening week. In a sense.

Been feeling down lately, since the last post. Sorta Shields UP, keep ur distance kinda mentality. Made some concerned people worried. My fault of course. Cocooning.

So I sorta disappeared, on Thursday night I believe. Took a bloody long drive to sort out my head. Walked quite a bit too. Went to NUS and re-lived regret. Went to Changi to listen to waves and planes. Kept away from my phone, and didn't reply to anyone. That sorta ignited a few nerves. Much to my regret later on.... However, at that point, I simply didn't want anything. Numbness was the key.

So as I got home, feeling much better, I got my phone working again and a deluge of messages and missed calls assailed my poor puny mobile. I returned some calls, and got some reprisals. However, while I did feel remorse, I felt humour as well. It was funny. Real funny. That I caused such a big fuss.

Twisted, am I?

I kept thinking of how technology has totally fucked up our lives. Being in constant contactable virtual radii has deluded us of the notion of privacy and the self.
Societal structures and pressures exerting on us to perform and live up to expectations may not be as beneficial to oneself as previously predicted. This constant barrage of unnatural external stimuli in the long run feels downright detrimental to the psyche. That's why waves crashing and winds blowing, grass and leaves rustling, are so soothing to the soul. It harkens back to the distant past, when life was simpler.

Remember how we used to have to fix up meeting places and timings way before we even leave the house for social gatherings. Nowadays, its "Da Fuck you mean, meet where??? Just call me when you are in the vicinity, muthafucka!"

I'd like to think I'd metamorphosed into something else. Emerged as Another Creature. Shrugged off the old shell(pun intended). Fresh start. Clean slate. My mind all set. My world to conquer. Nothing matters but the relativity to my ego. The Self. The Pain. The Truth.

Stand by me, or weep in despair.



Hahaaa, melodrama mama.