Making sense of it all.

I've been steadily heading into a crisis of faith, faith in myself that is.

Been doing pretty ok in the markets. Made some here and there. And all it took was one string of bad trades to bring me back to square one. Humbling indeed, and the funny thing was, it wasn't as if I'd never lost before. But somehow, square one is quite a threshold. Quite a wake up call.

Tell you what. If I do screw up today, I'll be going through tomorrow's fat ass Classifieds.

Just to get back the fear, and the disgust, of finding a job, and going for the horrid interview, and the anxiety, tension, butterflies in the tummy, light-headedness, immobile tongue and overall lack of control of all mental faculties.

Then I won't try and test the fucking system. Discipline truly is key.

But now, discipline has never been my forte. I was always trying to push envelopes, however small and insignificant it may be. My little bits of rebellion, so to speak. Mostly with people of authority at school. Never really had much to rebel against at home, being that I was left to my own devices pretty early on in my adolescence. Big gamble on my parents' part, but I think its a gamble that paid off. I didn't really screw up badly.

Did I?

Well, maybe the slide starts here. We'll see.....