Episode 5

So the word "Empire" has been on my mind for the last week or so. Keeps popping up, everywhere I turned. Thing is, its such a versatile word that it can easily be applied in various contexts.

It started off with my thinking of opening up businesses. These days, everyone says its risky as hell to invest so much into a business venture that may never reap any rewards. Fact of the matter is that since the dawn of capitalism the the concept of the coin, businesses have been starting up, and closing down.

For without the little mom and pops operations, life would really have been that much more harsh. The availability of goods and services by professionals (or at least more professional than yourselves, your family members, or your friends)and the parting of your coin in exchange for said goods and services, have been the way for the longest time. Of course, if your family, friends or yourselves had such operations, it'd be a bonus, with discounts and free favours. But nothing is truly free, just withdrawals and deposits in emotional bank accounts. But I digress....

It wasn't until Henry Ford and his super-industry of specialisation of labour that ushered in the Era of the Corporate Empire. All the big names started coming up thereabouts, and that's when they truly seem to embrace the Empire mold. By buying up all the mom and pop operations, those successful ones anyway (the sucky ones simply spontaneously combust), they pretty much will act like Rome of old, conquering foreign lands, co-opting their ideals and governance from afar. This is the only way after awhile, for operations to grow, to deliver increasing profits, simply by playing the numbers game. R&D, and coming up with new products definitely add to the bottom line, but nothing beats being more present, and more visible, to the consumers.

America too, had become The Empire of the 20th century. We are all familiar with their foreign policies all over the world, from Panama, Africa, Bosnia, Japan and now the Middle Eastern States. They push into foreign lands, to further grow their Empire, to permeate their so-called culture, to fill the pockets that produce the politicians, who press the policies for further growing their Empire. Its a vicious cycle.

And much like all cycles, The Empire has one too. It eventually fails to expand any further, and crumbles inwards. Corruption and greed at its core will destroy the very mechanisms that had made it successful thus far. In time, all large companies will disappear, and even countries will fade. Others will take their places, but what would be the nature of these upstarts. Would they serve for the betterment of mankind? Would we settle for Corporate Governance? Therein lies true power and purpose. The Truth.

Such a company, I will build. Care to join me?

Making sense of it all.

I've been steadily heading into a crisis of faith, faith in myself that is.

Been doing pretty ok in the markets. Made some here and there. And all it took was one string of bad trades to bring me back to square one. Humbling indeed, and the funny thing was, it wasn't as if I'd never lost before. But somehow, square one is quite a threshold. Quite a wake up call.

Tell you what. If I do screw up today, I'll be going through tomorrow's fat ass Classifieds.

Just to get back the fear, and the disgust, of finding a job, and going for the horrid interview, and the anxiety, tension, butterflies in the tummy, light-headedness, immobile tongue and overall lack of control of all mental faculties.

Then I won't try and test the fucking system. Discipline truly is key.

But now, discipline has never been my forte. I was always trying to push envelopes, however small and insignificant it may be. My little bits of rebellion, so to speak. Mostly with people of authority at school. Never really had much to rebel against at home, being that I was left to my own devices pretty early on in my adolescence. Big gamble on my parents' part, but I think its a gamble that paid off. I didn't really screw up badly.

Did I?

Well, maybe the slide starts here. We'll see.....

To The Past

So I had quite a happening week. In a sense.

Been feeling down lately, since the last post. Sorta Shields UP, keep ur distance kinda mentality. Made some concerned people worried. My fault of course. Cocooning.

So I sorta disappeared, on Thursday night I believe. Took a bloody long drive to sort out my head. Walked quite a bit too. Went to NUS and re-lived regret. Went to Changi to listen to waves and planes. Kept away from my phone, and didn't reply to anyone. That sorta ignited a few nerves. Much to my regret later on.... However, at that point, I simply didn't want anything. Numbness was the key.

So as I got home, feeling much better, I got my phone working again and a deluge of messages and missed calls assailed my poor puny mobile. I returned some calls, and got some reprisals. However, while I did feel remorse, I felt humour as well. It was funny. Real funny. That I caused such a big fuss.

Twisted, am I?

I kept thinking of how technology has totally fucked up our lives. Being in constant contactable virtual radii has deluded us of the notion of privacy and the self.
Societal structures and pressures exerting on us to perform and live up to expectations may not be as beneficial to oneself as previously predicted. This constant barrage of unnatural external stimuli in the long run feels downright detrimental to the psyche. That's why waves crashing and winds blowing, grass and leaves rustling, are so soothing to the soul. It harkens back to the distant past, when life was simpler.

Remember how we used to have to fix up meeting places and timings way before we even leave the house for social gatherings. Nowadays, its "Da Fuck you mean, meet where??? Just call me when you are in the vicinity, muthafucka!"

I'd like to think I'd metamorphosed into something else. Emerged as Another Creature. Shrugged off the old shell(pun intended). Fresh start. Clean slate. My mind all set. My world to conquer. Nothing matters but the relativity to my ego. The Self. The Pain. The Truth.

Stand by me, or weep in despair.



Hahaaa, melodrama mama.

Music and Mood Swings

Hey WASSUP You'all!

I was having an excellent day. Woke up refreshed, totally ready to trade. All set to go, all engines to full throttle. Started off well. Then not so well. Then badly. That's the name of the game I suppose. But I was still in good spirits.

Then I started going through my music collection. Just to see if I can add to my good mood. Started playing songs I could sing to (Yes I sing, if you can call it singing). Firstly those sappy love songs,and fun songs, and then slowly turned to love songs on unrequited love. Then to songs on dying, and lying, and pain. I went through U2, Sheryl Crow, Sting, Eric Clapton, Guns N Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Maroon 5, Jet, Keane, John Mayer, Robbie Williams, etc.

I ended with Who Wants to Live Forever by Queen.
And I felt so fucked up. The end.

Now I have no idea what sort of madness made me do such a thing to myself. It was totally unconscious. And thus, I had a rollercoaster of an emotional day. Fun Ride. What a rush.

Have I mentioned this before? This is Highlander's 20th aniversary. I want to go to Scotland, and wave a sword at the cliffs, hundreds of metres above the killing waves. The last song was from this show.

There can be only one.

Anew

So I'm trying to start a new regime in my life. My plan is to wake up early, send my bro to school, return home and go for a run. Have breakfast and start trading till lunch. Maybe trade a little after lunch, while at the same time trying to find other forms of passive income.

So far this week, failed miserably. But I did get some gears in motion. Been setting up all my spreadsheets to trade with that I'd lost after my computer died so spectacularly. Been running. Twice this week already. Did some mock trading, etc etc etc. I guess its because my parents are around and breaking my momentum. Am I using them as an excuse? Definitely. But a certain level of reason and empathy must be thrown my way. I am human afterall.

Does anyone out there know how to lose a belly? Could you please teach me? Besides dieting. I find it a sin to diet. In this day and age when technology, worldwide capitalism and greed have come to cooperate and bring us a gazillion calories at each meal, who are we to dismiss their efforts and say no to genetically enhanced, biomedically improved and chemical accentuated carbon-based(and sometimes not) dead organic material? Engulf and ingest, people. ENGULF AND INGEST!

Woah, where did all that passion come from? Must be from the run I just had. Endorphins ROCK!

I miss my friends. Where are you guys? Let's meet up! I'm officially NUTS.