Ride of the Century

Have you seen the greatest white elephant Singapore has thus far?

Thats right, I'm talking about the Singapore Wheel (or whatever name its gonna go with. Most likely we'd have a contest, and some stuffy suits will pick the worst name, like the Singapore Wheel™). Anyway, they are in the midst of its construction now, and it has the lower arch up. Everytime I drive by, I get all excited and full of ideas. If only they're constructing a Viking ride instead.

You know the Viking ride, right?! COME ON! Its just a ship on an arm and it whoops up into the air, giving you an eternity to spend in zero g, where your balls/boobs defy nature and get altogether misplaced. And then reality pulls you down. Your stomach turns inside out and you forget how to tie shoelaces. You want to puke, and you are so freaked. Then you look down and see all the other fools, and hope they do not puke on you when its their turn in zero g. Then of course there's that huge ass tyre in the middle that propels you when the ride starts and slows the entire ride down in the end. To quote Donald Trump," ITS HUUUUGE." And it looks downright nasty.

Now imagine this. We have this viking ride, and its the world's largest. 30 stories high, with unparalleled zero g time. Astronauts could get acclimated on this ride. We'd have another Guinness Book of Records entry, ride beside the one for the world's largest musical chairs extravaganza. Yep, I believe that was us.

Now this ride, it won't come cheap. Not too expensive though, not so much that when people ride it, locals especially, the drivers on the highway wouldn't laugh and say what suckers the riders are. Preferably less than the balloon ride we have (thetered of course, wouldn't want it to roam into neighbouring airspace), and definitely last longer than that stupid reverse bungee(which had maintenance issues, probably because it couldn't afford any). Who would want to spend money on a ride to get sick, when they could just walk another 100 metres for some strong brew of your choice. Wrong location, geniuses.

Ok, back to the Great Singapore Viking Adventure. Imagine the view you would get from up there, and with the phenomenal airtime, you would really be able to appreciate future sights like the cash cow (Oops, integrated resort, and all 3 tablets of it), the scrotum(Oops, the Esplanade I mean, and the phallic symbol in its background) and the empty commercial area that is now a reputable menagerie of companies but would then be a ghosttown of bucketshops.

In fact, Singapore is so small that we should just make the entire island a theme park. You can play soldier in the far west, play out all your sexual desires in the east, play scientist in our labs in the clementi region. The central region would be for retail space. 2 casinos for the risk takers in all of us. Faux beach getaways to the south. We do have good amenities in place like hotels, transportation and air/sea ports already. You can rest and relax in our various spas littered all over the island, or massages. Be treated like a king everywhere you go. An island/park wide railway system, food at every corner at hiked prices ALREADY.

We seem almost set for it.
hmmm......