The new Me

As I shove the Duff aside and piss all over him, I review what he's done with my life thus far and he really lives (lived?) up to his namesakes.

The Bugger is utterly useless.

The amount of procrastinations shoved up his ass knows no bounds. I rip them out irregardless of the consequences to his anal-retentive ravages, and toss them all into the toilet where they belong. Heavy flushing ensues.

Thus, just this weeek, I have left the slave camp, and am working towards the proverbial unbeaten track. Many an objection has been hurled my way, but I have just bought a new set of baseball club, gloves and ball(just under $100, join me for a game?), just for such occasions.

I will practice my swing, pump up on steroids, bat away well-intentioned but stupid criticisms, catch their envious remarks with the gloves, and flush them down the toilet with the above-mentioned hurdles that I've overcome. And when the twats turn around and walk away, I shall pitch the rock hard baseball squarely into their soft-shelled skulls to expose the pussies within.

This move will be directly working towards my goals, instead of making a roundabout route. It will also allow more time and flexiblity for me to achieve others things as well, like physical perfection (6-pack and IPPT by April 9th!) and other manly duties that I personally have been entrusted with, like running the entire household with an iron fist. I am literally the king of my domain. This arrangement will also allow me to pursue my other interests in life, especially penning down ideas onto paper, and getting these stories into mass production.

This is the year of change. I can't wait.