Lost in Oz

The Duff is sitting in a taiwanese dessert parlour, wasting his time away while he waits for his turn at his phase 1 test, and performing duties required of him due to a recent election into a very visible post in the school. He leaches the free internet provided by the owner, a vain and futile attempt at gaining more business with more services provided, when all he needed was to hire some sweet hunnies to stand bent forward over the cashier counter.

Pretty good speed though. 300kb/s. Its a godsend given what the duff has had to endure thus far in this backwater suburb of 5million.

With his endless supply of bits, he does his usual surfing of the interwub at his usual multitasking frenzy, an effect of unofficially diagnosed ADD. He smiles stupidly at his battery-less laptop, drawing the irksome looks from the neighbouring customers, sucking on their spoons of flavoured "snow". Sometimes, people just hate others to have fun. Who's the duff kidding. Everyone wants the next person to suffer the fyres of hell. Just by sitting his his seat for an hour, he has seen enough idiots with kids, like the parent who allows her children of less than 5 of age to wander at running speeds between tables of eye-level sharp edges, to play with the revolving doors that could easily crush their hands, and to be within a 3m distance from the main road where cars rush by at 50mph. Another parent though, had his child on a leash. Fuck's sake people, whats with the extremities!?!??! The duff hopes Darwinism would sort these people out.

The duff however is smiling at the funny shit people put online. Like this page, a fun little website put up by the advertising prowess hired by Frito-Lay(of all people). The duff hasn't gone through the entire application, but what he has seen thus far amuses him to no end.

Another interesting subculture he's rediscovering is that of weird gadgets bewing sold online, like alarm clocks that beep and roll off the table, forcing you to get up and find the muthafucka and throw it down the toilet. Another alarm clock rings, and has a propeller that takes off with the key to switch off the alarm, forcing the sleeper to once again get his ass off the sheets, trace the din and swing with all his might to olympically crush the clock where it sits with the bladed key. Or the behemoth amongst alarm clocks, that produces a solid boom of over a 100 decibels, and vibrates stronger than the proudest jackhammer to bounce the dozey idiot off his piss boner and onto his itchy backside, off the bed and onto the floor. Genius.

This has a funny little gadget from the land of the rising sun, that requires you to stick a finger into a hole (favourite past-time of many a bored man) to play an interactive game. Fucking funny shit. The duff wants one. Hahhaaa~!

He's been missing his comics, and reading for the fun of it. Recently, reading had been a necessary evil, studying shit and reading just to pass time that excruciatingly scrapes at the insides of his skull. His memory still sucks, and information hangs tenuously like 80-year old balls. Is there a way to improve this effortlessly? There has to be a way. He's living in the future anyway. There must be something! Give him liberty, and give him TRUTH!